How Maradona can stop the next Falklands war

From Franz Ferdinand to leggings there has been a lot of 80s revivalism going on of late and quite frankly I have had more than enough of it. The first half of the decade did at least have a little colour, but from 1985 through to the arrival of the Stone Roses in 1989 the UK was a grey old place run by cold and uncaring goverment. It was a society ravaged by unemployment, terrible pessimism, AIDS and of worst of all Stock, Aitken and Waterman.

Rant over. However there’s one 80s revival that I absolutely don’t want to see and that’s a Falklands War.

And yet with us drilling for oil ( in the area it seems that the Argies (our great mates and most natural South American ally) are getting very upset and are calling for the ownership of the island to be placed right back on the political agenda.

Of course we are a long way from having to put together a new task force but this is one issue that really needs to be nipped in the bud.

Owning an fairly inhospitable rock or two in the South Atlantic seems faintly ludicrous now just because of what happenned 30 years ago.

However it is pretty clear that there is oil down there and it would be churlish to threw away any rights we have to that liquid gold.

I think then the way forward is clear

1 We cede The Falklands to Argentina on a 30 year land lease deal (bit like Hong Kong)
2 For that concession we get to drill as much oil as we want in the area for the next 30 years and as a gesture of good will we even cut the Argies in on a 50-50 sharel
3 And most importantly as we are giving them something they think is rightfully there’s they give us something that we feel is rightfully ours – the 1986 World Cup

For me number three is the line in the sand. They cheated us, we were the better team and we would have gone on to win the game and the trophy. So they give us the cup and The Malvinas can become Argentina’s very own Tenerife.

I would like to add a few other conditions to this
1 Maradonna admits God had nothing to do with that goal and apologises to all English people and the world of football in general in a worldwide TV broadcast
2 We send a task force of Kenny Sansom, John Barnes and Terry Fenwick to accept the trophy. This could be carried out in some symbolic place (South Georgia?)
3 Lionel Messi has to sign for Arsenal on a free transfer

I am sure this is a deal that Maradonna, with all his connections, can broker. So go for it Diego. Think of what a hero you’ll be to your people and imagine that personal redemption you’ll feel to finally come clean after all these years.

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